


I Love You

by kikabennet



Series: The Wonderful World of Teenagers [9]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian, Family Drama, Family Feels, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Multi, Original Character(s), Suicide Attempt, Teen Angst, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 22:50:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9406337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikabennet/pseuds/kikabennet
Summary: The next installment of "The Wonderful World of Teenagers". The kids are growing up, and learning how to handle different situations like grown ups.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time. I'm back on the creative fanfiction train. I will try and reply to every single review. Just be patient with me. Mickey's brief return to shameless has melted my cold, cold heart, so expect quicker updates now!

"Dad?" Yevgeny asked, walking into the house after work. Fortunately for him, his parents had agreed to let him keep his job as long as his weekday shifts ended no later than nine and he kept his grades up. 

"Hey!" Ian said, moving away from the stove where he was cooking pancakes and bacon on the griddle. He moved to give his son a hug and kissed his forehead.

"It's almost one am," Yevgeny pointed out. "Why are you cooking?"

Ian shrugged, flipping his spatula into the air before returning to the griddle. "Couldn't sleep."

Yevgeny set his keys down on the kitchen bar and slid onto one of the bar stools, eyeing his father warily. Ian whistled as he flipped pancakes, talking to himself quietly in a cheerful manner, music playing from his phone.

"You've been having trouble sleeping?" Yevgeny asked, playing with a couple of loose coins on the counter. For the past few nights, Ian had stayed up late cleaning house or doing laundry or organizing the kitchen pantry.

Ian looked at him, smiling, but didn't respond. Yevgeny watched as Ian set a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of him.

"You hungry?" He asked, sliding the bottle of syrup across the bar. 

Yevgeny shrugged and said, "Sure. Thanks, Dad."

As he ate, he watched Ian go around the kitchen opening and closing cabinet doors and the dishwasher-loudly- and chatter away in animated way that seemed odd. Yevgeny got up to dispose of his dishes, but Ian took them and began washing them at the sink.

"Dad?" Yevgeny walked over to him, rubbing the seat of his jeans. Ian looked at him, eyebrows raised high.

"You feelin' okay?" Yevgeny asked, hoping Ian would not ask what he meant.

"Yeah." Ian bobbed his head up and down. "Yeah, Kiddo. I feel great."

Yevgeny nodded too, trying his best to smile back.

"Okay," he said. "Well, um, I'm going to bed."

"Goodnight." Ian grabbed him by the back of the head and kissed his head again. 

Yevgeny jogged upstairs and was met by his other father in the hall.

"The fuck is he doin' down there?" Mickey asked groggily.

Yevgeny shook his head and said, "I don't know..."

He paused and listened as Mickey traveled downstairs and began asking Ian a million questions. Gavrel opened the door of the bedroom they shared and asked, "Dad seem like he's nutting up to you?"

Yevgeny went into the bedroom and shut the door, unbuttoning his pants and wriggling out of his jeans.

"How does he seem to you?" He asked Gavrel.

His younger brother climbed into bed and sighed.

"He's talking about remodeling the house," He said. "Calling people and stuff."

Yevgeny grabbed a pair of flannel pajama bottoms from the floor and pulled them on. He sat on his own bed and folded his hands, resting his chin on them. 

"You know if he's taking his meds?" He asked.

Gavrel shook his head and said, "I have no idea. I know Mickey was counting his pills this morning?"

They both stopped talking and listened as Mickey and Ian headed back upstairs.

"Mickey," they heard Ian say. "I'm fine. Really."

"Yeah, yeah," Mickey said, not sounding as casual as they'd hoped. "Get your ass in bed."

\-----------------

"Daddy?" Izzy asked, walking into the bathroom. 

"Hey!" Ian said, standing up from the floor and dusted the knees of his sweatpants off. "You're up early. It's a weekend."

"It's four in the morning," Izzy told him, wrapping Yevgeny's hoodie more tightly around her T-shirt she wore as pajamas. "What are you doing?"

"Uh, the bathroom floor was disgusting," Ian said turning on the sink. "I just figured I should clean it before everybody gets up."

His daughter frowned and sat on the edge of the bathtub. Ian began scrubbing the floor again. 

"Yevvie said a few nights ago you were making breakfast in the middle of the night," she told him. "And Gavvie said you're talking about putting in new floors."

"Yeah," Ian said, nodding. "A lot needs done around here."

Izzy moved down to crouch on the floor, trying to make eye contact with him. Ian didn't look at her.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

Ian tossed the scrub brush he was using against the wall. Izzy jumped a little. Ian stood up.

"Jesus!" He barked. "Yes! I'm fine, okay?"

Izzy stared up at him, her big blue eyes wide. Ian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

"I'm fine, Diz," he said. "I just...it feels like I can't do anything without getting 'checked up on' around here."

Mickey appeared in the doorway, buttoning his work shirt.

"The fuck was that?" He asked.

"What?" Ian frowned.

"The noise I just heard," Mickey said. He looked at the bathroom. "Aw, fuck, Ian."

"I'm just cleaning the bathroom," Ian told him."

Izzy took that as her cue to get out. She moved out of sight in the hallway to listen as Mickey and Ian began to argue, something they had been doing a lot of lately. 

"I know you counted my pills!" Ian barked, storming down the hall, right past his daughter. 

"Go back to bed," Mickey told Izzy softly, patting her arm, going after Ian. 

"Yes," he told his husband. "I counted your pills, but Ian, Christ! You don't sleep anymore, you're doin' weird shit-"

"I'm fine!" Ian told him. "You want this house to just go to shit? Just because I'm the only one who cares if it's clean or not-"

"Don't do this, Man," Mickey said, more calmly this time. "Come on, Ian, even the kids are starting to worry."

"I'm fine," Ian told him. "Look, I'll, uh, I'll go back to bed right now."

"Okay," Mickey said. "Yeah, get some sleep."

Ian went into the bedroom and shut the door. Mickey scrubbed a hand down his mouth and caught Izzy's gaze. He walked over to her and said, "Listen, I gotta go to work, but call me if..."

Izzy nodded, understanding. Mickey took her chin in his hand and kissed her.

"See you tonight," he said.

"Bye, Daddy," she told him.

\-----------------

"Everything okay?" Lita asked as she and Yevgeny walked to the L. 

"Yeah," Yevgeny said, nodding. 

"You were quiet at work," she told him. "Something on your mind?"

"Um...it's my dad, Ian," he said as they stopped to wait, snow coming down in a flurry. "I think he might be going into a funk."

Lita nodded and held his hand. She didn't offer any help or ask if there was anything she could do, but Yevgeny appreciated her not doing those things. There was nothing anybody could do except wait and see what happened. They climbed onto the train and stood near the back.

"The last time it was bad," Yevgeny said. "I was only nine or ten, but I know when I was a baby it was pretty bad." 

 

\-------------

“Ow!” Izzy said, jerking away from Joey rubbing her nose. “Could you watch where you're going?”

“Sorry,” Joey said, also rubbing his nose. “I'm new to kissing.”

He licked his lips and leaned in again, but Izzy stopped him with her hand. 

“Tilt your head a little,” she said. “Like this-” she tilted her own head and leaned closer.

The two kissed again, without bumping noses, and Izzy pulled back. Joey's face was red against his tan skin. 

“What's wrong with your dad?” He asked, lying back on his bed.

Izzy laid down beside him, putting her arms behind her head. She let out a long sigh and rolled onto her side, snuggling up against Joey.

“He's sick,” she said quietly. “It's an illness in his brain and he can't control it.”

Joey didn't say anything. Izzy raised her head slightly.

“It's pretty scary,” she added. “Yevvie said when we were little he had to go to the psych ward.”

“Did they give him shock therapy?” Joey asked. “Or put him in a straight jacket?”

Izzy shuddered slightly at the thought. She reached down and pulled the covers over both of them. Joey rolled onto his side to face her. 

“If he has to go to the psych ward,” he told her. “And for some reason you can't stay with your mom or other dad or brother, you can stay here.”

Izzy's brows furrowed slightly, but she couldn't help but smile. The wind howled miserably outside and she snuggled deeper under the covers. Being here with Joey, she felt safe in a way that she imagined her mother and fathers felt safe with each other. For days, she had been worried about the school dance and her friends-not-friends, but now those problems seemed so petty compared to what was happening now. Nobody had really said anything yet, not out loud. Izzy now understood the phrase “elephant in the room”, only in the Milkovich case, it was the “Dad's crazy behavior in the room”. 

“I was going to ask him to show us how to dance,” she muttered, feeling her throat start to clot. 

“My mom's a pretty good dancer,” Joey said, trying to be helpful, clumsily kissing her nose. 

 

“He's still not back?” Yevgeny asked, walking downstairs where Mickey was sitting at the kitchen table. “Didn't he say he was going to Uncle Lip's?”

“Lip said he left three hours ago,” Mickey said, nursing a beer. “Don't know where the fuck he is.”

He looked at his phone again and Yevgeny checked his own phone. It was nearly two in the morning. 

“Gavvie asleep?” Mickey asked.

Yevgeny sat in the chair across from him and ran a hand through his hair. He let out a long sigh and said, “You can tell me, Dad.”

Mickey crushed his empty beer can and tossed it in the trash can about a foot away. 

“Tell you what?” He asked in a flat voice. 

“Where you think Dad is,” Yevgeny said quietly.

Mickey ran a hand through his own hair and said, “He used to...he used to go out and do really crazy shit. That was way back when you were a baby.”

Yevgeny nodded. He didn't want to push the issue, and he was sure “really crazy shit” touched on things that a married man shouldn't be doing. Before he could say or ask anymore, the front door unlocked and opened.

“Ian?” Mickey called, standing up.

Yevgeny followed him into the living room where Ian was tossing his coat onto the back of the sofa. 

“Where were you?” Mickey asked. “Lip said you left his place three hours ago.”

Ian shrugged, rubbing his eyes in a tired fashion.

“Met up with a coworker,” he said, heading for the stairs.

“A coworker?” Mickey asked in an 'are you serious' tone. “What? Like another teacher?”

“No, he's the basketball and track coach,” Ian said, stretching. “Don't worry. He's straight, married.”

Mickey sighed and said, “I didn't mean anything by it.”  
Ian stopped at the bottom of the stairs and gave a little side smile. 

“I went to Lip's, ate dinner, played with the girls, and then Roger called me,” he told him. “I met him and his wife for drinks.I drank coke. It just got late.”

Yevgeny looked between his fathers. Mickey looked like he was deciding if it was worth pushing the issue. Ian watched him, a strange, stern expression on his face.

“Jesus, Mickey,” he said, throwing his arms out and letting them fall to his side. “I'm not out blowing dudes, alright?”

“Whoa!” Mickey barked. “Our son is standing right here.”

“Yevvie,” Ian said, staring at his son with an eerily blank expression. “I'm not out fucking anybody except your dad.”

“Something's wrong with you,” Mickey said angrily. “You need to see a doctor, Ian. You're slipping and you fucking know it.”

Ian shook his head and mutterd, “ 'going to bed.”

“Ian!” Mickey went after him. He followed him into the bedroom and closed the door. Ian shoved him into the wall and began to kiss him like they hadn't seen each other in months. 

“Promise me,” Mickey breathed into his collar bone. “Promise me you weren't out doing what I think you were.”

“I promise,” Ian said, kissing the tender spot by his ear. “Mickey, fuck, I'm not that far gone.”

 

==============

Over the next few days, things seemed to return to normal. Mickey and the kids relaxed as Ian started sleeping regularly again and quit talking of plans to remodel and vacations to plan. It was close to Christmas, and gifts began piling under the tree. Even as teenagers, the kids shook them, trying to guess what they were by how they sounded. 

“Alright,” Ian said, clapping his hands and rubbing his socks against the carpeted floor. “You two ready?”

Izzy and Joey nodded. The school dance was the following Saturday and as promised, Ian agreed to teach them to dance.

“Now, dancing now,” he said. “Is all 'pop and lock' it's not fluid, it's not free.”

He turned some music on his phone and Izzy rolled her eyes, turning red. Joey grinned at her. 

“Really?” Yevgeny asked, grabbing the car keys so he could go to work, Carmelita right behind him. “ 'Move it like You Stole It'?” 

Ian began moving his hips, ignoring his oldest son and his girlfriend who were shaking their heads and laughing at him. 

“Dancing is about having fun,” he told Izzy and Joey. “Just get loose and let your arms and hips and head do the talking.”

Izzy and Joey tried to move him, and Yevgeny and Carmelita laughed harder at their tweenage awkwardness. 

“Don't worry about them,” Ian assured the younger children. “Just keep moving.”

Yevgeny and Lita hurried out to the car where Yevgeny hurried up and turned the car heater on. They rubbed their hands together and Yevgeny blew on her hands, making her laugh.

“Payday,” he told her. “I gotta start my Christmas shopping. I'm going with my aunt, Fiona, so if you can give me hints at what you'd like, she can help me.”

Lita bit her bottom lip and tucked some hair behind her ear under her beanie. Yevgeny put his seatbelt on, confused by her silence. 

“How do you feel about...” she took off her gloves and played with them in her hands. “Sex?”

Yevgeny looked away.

“I mean,” she said. “I know we're taking things slow and I love that, but whenever you're ready, I'm ready.”

Yevgeny inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly, playing with his hair.

“I'm sorry,” Lita said. “I shouldn't have asked. It's too soon-”

“How about tonight?” Yevgeny asked.

Lita looked at him. 

“We can wait as long as you want-”

“Fuck it.” Yevgeny undid his seat belt and opened his door. “We have car trouble.”

He got out and so did she and they went back into the house. Ian glanced at them. 

“Our schedule's wrong,” Yevgeny told him. “We don't go in for another hour.”

He took Lita by the hand and jogged up the stairs where Gavrel and Stephanie were on his bed playing X-Box.

“Hey,” Gavrel said, glancing at them. 

“Hey,” Yevgeny said, making an obvious show of holding Lita's hand, swinging their joined hands back and forth.  
“Um...you wanna get out of here?” Gavrel asked Stephanie, getting the gist.

“Sure.” Stephanie shrugged. 

The two of them left and Yevgenly mouthed 'thank you' to his younger brother. He locked the door behind them and turned to Lita, taking her hands. 

“Are you scared?” She asked.

“I'm terrified,” he said, kissing her. “But not about sex.”

Lita pulled away, confused. 

“I've been scared to say...” Yevgeny swallowed. “I love you.”

\-------------

 

“You look beautiful!” Svetlana told her daughter in Russian as Izzy came out of the bathroom in her dress. It was a deep red and her dark hair was pulled up into a simple messy bun. 

Alex smiled from his place on the sofa and stood up, waving his hands comically. 

“Where'd Izzy go?” He asked. “There's a young woman here, but we're missing our little girl!”

Joey stood next to her in his tux, tugging at his stiff collar. Svetlana began taking pictures, barking pose orders to her daughter who translated them for Joey. 

“And as I promised your fathers,” Alex said, picking up his car keys. “I am to take the two of you to their house so they may escort you to the ball.”

He winked when they rolled their eyes and said, “I mean school dance.”

 

When Alex dropped them off at Izzy's south side home, Izzy expected Ian to do the whole picture thing too. Alex drove away and Izzy sighed, pulling her coat more tightly around the thin material of her dress.

“More pictures,” she warned Joey, unlocking and opening the door.

“Daddy?” She called. There was no response. 

“He's at work,” Gavrel said, coming down the stairs. He had skipped going to his mother's that week so he could spend time with Stephanie. 

“No, I know that,” Izzy said. “Daddy Ian.”

Yevgeny walked in from work, brushing snow from his coat. He looked Izzy up and down, smiling. 

“You look beautiful,” he told her.   
“Thanks,” Izzy said.

A noise sounded upstairs and the Milkovich children exchanged glances. 

“Dad?” Yevgeny called. 

He jogged upstairs. 

“Dad?” He called again. “You home? Izzy's back. She looks great-”

He stopped when he got to his parents' bedroom and pushed the door all the way open. His heart dropped to his feet. Ian was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hair and clothes disheveled. In his right hand, tapping against the side of his head, was a pistol. 

“Daddy, are you gonna drive us to the school?” Izzy called, her heels awkwardly clunking up the stairs. 

When she got close to the room, Yevgeny held up his hand to keep her back. Izzy saw the gun and gasped, dropping her little sequin handbag.

“I fucked up,” Ian slurred, sniffling. “I fucked up, Mickey.”

Yevgeny kept his eye on the handgun. Ian looked at him and said, “I fucked up our marriage. Fucked up the kids.”

Gavrel came up the stairs and froze where he was, Joey next to him. Yevgeny's tongue felt heavy in his mouth.

“I hate it,” Ian said, rubbing his eyes, exhausted. “I hate the meds, hate making everyone worry all the time...”

His bottom lip trembled he closed his eyes, tears sliding down his cheeks. He held the gun in his lap now. 

“I don't deserve any of this,” he said in a shaky voice.

Yevgeny found his voice then, feeling absolutely heart-broken for his father. As gently as he could, and as carefully as he could, he took a step forward. 

“Dad,” he said gently. “Give me the gun, okay?”

Ian's grip on the pistol tightened as he began to sob, putting his face in free hand, his shoulders shaking. Behind Yevgeny, Izzy began to cry too. 

“Dad,” Yevgeny said, taking another step. “You didn't fuck anything up.”

“I didn't go out with anyone for drinks!” Ian sobbed. “I almost fucked some guy. I didn't, but I almost did! And I did before! And I let you get hurt! I let Izzy get hurt! I let Gavvie get hurt!”

“No,” Yevgeny said, his whole body shaking as he moved to sit gingerly on the bed beside Ian. “We're fine. We're okay.”

Ian looked at Yevgeny as more tears slid down his cheeks. He let out a long, shuddering sigh.

“When you were a baby,” he said. “I left you in the car.”

Yevgeny didn't know that, but he nodded and said, “I know, Dad.”

“I'm sick,” Ian said. “And I can't get better.”

“Give me the gun,” Yevgeny said softly. 

Ian shook his head, looking terribly sad as his eyes filled with more tears.

“Listen,” Yevgeny said. “You are sick, but it's not about getting better. It's about trying, and you always try. You try harder than anybody I know, and you didn't fuck us up. We're the luckiest kids in the world to have you and Dad as our parents.”

“Dad,” Gavrel said. “Give Yevvie the gun.”

“I've been having nightmares,” Ian said in a raspy voice. “Nightmares where I'm Monica. I just leave and I'm just as shitty as she was. I'm Monica, Yev.”

“Look at Izzy,” Yevgeny said, gesturing. “She's going to a dance tonight, and you taught her how to dance, remember? You were here to teach her that.”

He licked his lips and said, “Remember when I made a huge mistake? With Jennifer Tuley? I came home and I was scared and alone and crying and you were right here for me.”

“You're sick,” he continued. “But if you were some Monica fuck-up, we wouldn't come to you for these things.”

“Ian?!” Mickey called as the front door open and slammed shut.

“I called Daddy,” Izzy sobbed shakily, turning to meet her other father at the stairs. 

“Mickey...” Ian looked at his husband, and all three Milkovich children saw it, the way their fathers looked at each other. There was so much understanding and love and worry and trust all in one look.

“Give me the gun,” Mickey said simply, sternly. “Ian, give me the gun.”

Ian stood up and handed him the pistol. Mickey took it and put it on the nightstand and then pulled Ian against him, who began sobbing. Izzy continued sobbing and Gavrel and Yevgeny couldn't help the tears that began to slide down their cheeks. 

“Mickey...!” Ian sobbed into his husband's coat. 

Mickey held him tightly and rubbed the back of his hair. He closed his eyes and when he opened them, he looked at Yevgeny who managed to give him a shaky, half smile.  
“I don't feel right about going to the dance,” Izzy said as she held a ziplock bag full of ice to her eyes to help the tear-stains and swelling. 

“Dad would want you to go,” Yevgeny said from the front seat. “You know, if he wasn't in a funk.”

Lita, in the passenger seat, turned and said, “And besides, you look too beautiful not to go. Those little bitches are gonna be so jealous.”

Izzy smiled a little and turned to Joey.

“Do I look okay?” She asked quietly. 

“You look the best I've ever seen you,” he said, grinning.

\---------------------

Gavrel got off the bus and ran the block to Jakob's house. He rapped on the door, his hands almost numb from the cold, and when Jakob's mother let him in, he all but ran up the stairs and opened Jakob's door. 

“Gavvie?” Jakob frowned, his brows furrowing. He closed his text book and stood up from his desk.

Gavrel's face was still red and tear-stained, his eyes extra blue from the tears. 

“I'm sorry,” he said. “About everything. And I don't know how to make it better, but I want to, Jake. I really want to.”

Jake opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, a worried expression on his face, but he closed it. 

“I love you,” Gavrel choked out, feeling hot new tears welling in his eyes.

“Where are your gloves?” Jake asked, moving to take his cold hands in his own warm ones. Gavrel kissed him then, startling him, but then Jake kissed him back. 

“You want to play a video game or watch a move?” He asked him, shrugging helplessly. 

“Can we just sit?” Gavrel asked in a scratchy voice, wiping at his eyes, furious at his tears. 

“Yeah...” Jake nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

They sat on his bed and Gavrel leaned against him. Jake kissed his temple. 

\---------------

“I've got you all set up to see the doctor,” Mickey said, helping Ian out of the shower and into a bathrobe. “You sure you don't want Fiona or Lip over?”

Ian shook his head. He allowed Mickey to walk him back to the bedroom and the two of them sat on the bed.   
“You know that I love you no matter what,” Mickey said slowly. “I've never stopped.”

“I love you too,” Ian said. “Even when I feel like shit like I do right now.”

“You're doing great,” Mickey told him, kissing his cheek. “You're talkin', that's always a plus.”

Ian stared blankly into space.

“Tonight was Izzy's dance,” he said. 

“Yevvie's getting her there,” Mickey said. “She looks beautiful too.”

Ian laid on the bed and Mickey curled up beside him. He wondered how long Ian had been sitting there with a gun before anybody found him. 

“Sorry I was late,” he murmured, kissing Ian's lips. 

 

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

“How was the dance?” Mickey asked after Yevgeny picked her up, dropped Joey off, and brought her home. He was sitting at the kitchen table, still in his work clothes.

Izzy gave a half-hearted shrug.

“Good,” she said, looking at Yevgeny.

“How is he?” Yevgeny asked.

“He's sleeping,” Mickey said with a short sigh. “We talked for a while.”

Yevgeny pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sat down. Izzy copied him. Mickey looked between them.

“Go to bed,” he told Izzy.

“You can tell me,” she argued. “I'm not a little kid, Daddy.”

“Bed,” he said again, nodding at the staircase.

Izzy did as she was told, knowing Yevgeny would tell her. The Milkovich parents were dumb if they thought they didn't think the siblings spilled everything to one another. Mickey waited until he heard her door shut. 

“You did good tonight,” He told his son. “I'm proud of you.”

Yevgeny shook his head, giving a small breathy laugh. He rubbed at his eyes tiredly.

“I was scared shitless,” he admitted.

Mickey nodded, unsurprised. Yevgeny let out a long, slow sigh.

“What'd you talk about?” He asked. “With Dad?”

Mickey stood up and moved to get a bottle of water from the fridge. He grabbed one for Yevgeny too. 

“What happens next,” he said. “Psych ward, medication, family stuff.”

He sat back down, running a hand through his hair. 

“Did he suggest the psych ward?” Yevgeny asked.

Mickey shook his head. 

“Does he want to go?” Yevgeny asked.

“He has to go,” Mickey said, like he couldn't believe Yevgeny asked that. “He tried to kill himself.”

Yevgeny only nodded and stood up, pushing his chair in. Mickey stood up and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him into a hug. Yevgeny hugged him back, and just it had been with Ian earlier, he suddenly felt like the grown up, like Mickey was embracing him for comfort and reassurance, not the other way around.

“It's gonna be okay,” Yevgeny muttered. 

“Yeah.” Mickey pulled back, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. “Sleep tight, Kid.”

\-------------

Everyone in the house woke up hearing Izzy's half sob, half scream. Yevgeny opened his bedroom door just in time to see her tear out of her room and into her parents'. 

“Daddy!” She turned on their light. Now Yevgeny and Gavrel were both standing in the hallway. 

Mickey and Ian sat up groggily.

“What is it?” Mickey croaked. “What's wrong?”

Izzy climbed onto the bed and threw her arms around Ian's neck, sobbing into his bare chest. 

“What's wrong with her?” Gavrel asked, and Yevgeny shrugged.

“I had a dream,” Izzy choked out. “I had a dream that you...oh my God, you're okay!”

“Yeah...” Ian nodded, rubbing her back. “I'm okay, Diz.”

Izzy pulled back and looked at him, tears sliding down her cheeks. Ian laid back down, coaxing Izzy to lay down too.

“You okay?” He asked, and she nodded. 

Half an hour later, after Ian's breathing had returned to being loud and slow, Izzy sat up.

“Daddy?” She whispered.

“Mm?” Mickey replied, in out of a sleepy haze himself.

“Where's the gun?” She asked.

“It's put up,” Mickey said. 

“Is it locked up?” Izzy pushed. 

“It's not in the house,” Mickey assured her. “Are you sleeping in here?”

Izzy laid back down, snuggling up against Ian. 

 

\------------------------------

Mickey made breakfast the following morning, which he rarely did. It was a good breakfast too. Eggs, sausage, and biscuits. 

“Family meeting,” he said when everyone sat down to eat.

“Family what?” Gavrel asked, his brows furrowing. 

Mickey poured himself a cup of coffee and took a long drink. 

“We're not gonna skirt around what happened yesterday,” he said, looking at Ian, who looked down at his lap. 

“I'm sorry, guys,” he said in a small voice. 

“No, Dad,” Yevgeny said quietly, reaching over to touch his arm. 

“Dad's goin' to the psych ward,” Mickey said. “It'll help him get better.”

“The psych ward?” Gavrel repeated.

“When you were little,” Mickey said. “We tried to keep you guys out of this shit, but you're all old enough to understand it now so I'm not gonna sugar coat anything.”

He looked at Yevgeny, who was old enough to remember the last time Ian went to a psych ward. Yevgeny nodded this time without putting up a fight. 

“Do you want to go, Dad?” Gavrel asked Ian.

“Yeah,” Ian said. “I wanna go for you guys.”

“How long will you be there?” Izzy asked. 

Ian shrugged.

“My birthday's in two weeks,” she said, her voice cracking. “Will you be back?”

“Even if he's not back,” Mickey told her. “We'll go visit him. Hell, throw you a party there. That'll be one to remember, right?”

He tried to make it sound light and humorous, but Izzy burst into tears and ran out of the kitchen. Ian stood up and looked up the stairs, but didn't go after her.

“She'll be alright,” Mickey told him. 

To the boys he said, “You guys can pretty much take care of your own shit. Laundry, dishes. Hell, you should be doin' that stuff anyway.”

The boys nodded.

“I'll take care of dinner,” Mickey said. “Yev, help me out with that?”

Yevgeny nodded. “Yeah, definitely.”

Mickey looked at Ian, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

“Whenever you're ready,” he said. “We'll come get you, me or Yev one.”

Izzy returned, dressed and wearing her backpack. 

“I'm staying with Mom,” she announced.

Mickey looked like he wanted to argue, but he paused and then said, “Okay.”

Izzy looked at Ian and he looked away.

“What are they gonna do to you?” She asked, starting to cry again.

Ian pulled her against him and she began to sob uncontrollably.

“Diz,” he said quietly, kissing her hair. “I'm gonna be okay. I'm not going to Arkham.”

The front door opened.

“Ian?” It was Lip.

“Ian?” And Fiona. 

They both entered the kitchen and Fiona took Ian's face in her hands, breathing in short, heavy gasps.

“Oh my God,” she breathed. “Are you okay?”

She turned to Mickey and demanded, “What the fuck?”

“Yeah, you didn't think it might be a good idea to mention to us what happened last night?” Lip added, sounding angry.

Mickey started to say something, but Ian held up his hand.

“I told him not to tell you,” he said. 

“Why the fuck not?” Fiona asked. “Ian, this is serious shit.”

“You guys okay?” Lip asked the kids. He took note of Izzy's tearful state.

“Come here,” Fiona told her and Izzy went to her, sobbing into her shirt now. Fiona stroked her hair. 

“Are you going to the hospital?” Lip asked Ian. “Or...”

“Psych ward,” Ian said. “Yeah...”

“Okay.” Lip nodded, calming down. He looked at Mickey and asked, “You okay?”

Fiona looked concerned too.

“Yeah.” Mickey nodded. 

“Want me to take the kids?” Fiona offered.

“Or I could,” Lip said. “Carl's watching the girls right now-”

“No, they're fine,” Mickey said. 

“Want me to take Izzy?” Fiona asked.

“I'm going to my mom's,” Izzy said, pulling away and wiping her face.

Fiona looked at her and said, “I'll drive you to your mom's, alright? Why don't we go to my place for a little while?”

Mickey started to tell her to leave Izzy alone, but then it dawned on him what Fiona was doing. Fiona could explain the Bipolar disorder to Izzy in a way Mickey never could, because Fiona had gone through it the same way as Izzy, with a parent. 

“Yeah, go with her,” Mickey coaxed. 

Izzy nodded and Fiona said gently, “Grab your stuff, okay?”

She looked at the boys.

“You guys wanna come?” She offered. “Jimmy and Rory are making asses of themselves acting like they know how to hang Christmas lights if you wanna watch.”

“Where's Uncle Liam?” Gavrel asked.

“It's Saturday,” Fiona said. “Who knows. I promise you not hanging Christmas lights.”

Gavrel looked at Lip.

“Can I go with you?” He asked.

Lip nodded and shrugged at the same time. 

“I'll stay,” Yevgeny said. “Thank you, though.”

Fiona hugged Ian and kissed him. To Mickey she said, “Call me.”

“I will,” Mickey said, hating to see his family splitting up in so many directions. Izzy going with one Gallagher, Gavrel with the other. His Gallagher going to the psych ward.  
After the house was clear again, Ian broke down in tears, sinking into one of the kitchen chairs, his face in his hands.

“Hey,” Mickey said gently. “It's alright.”

“Dad?” Yevgeny also spoke gently. “Let's go pack your stuff, alright?”

Ian nodded, standing back up. They traveled up the master bedroom together and Yevgeny found a suitcase. 

“I'm gonna let you take stuff out of the drawers,” he said, going into the adjacent bathroom for Ian's toothbrush. “I don't want to stumble upon a bunch of weird sex toys that'll scar me for life.”

Ian managed a short, tired half chuckle. It was music to Yevgeny's ears. 

“You think me and Dad are just crazy porn stars in here, huh?” He joked. He actually joked!

Yevgeny took this life line and ran with it. 

“I imagine costumes and props,” he added, keeping his tone light. “Maybe a gimp somewhere hiding out.”

Ian smiled again and shook his head, beginning to pack his things.

“We're not that entertaining,” he assured his son.

“Dad?” Yevgeny sat on the bed. “We love you.”

Ian stopped smiling.

“I just want you to know that,” Yevgeny said. “I don't really know how being bipolar works, but anything you do, it doesn't make us stop.”

Ian sat down next to him.

“I put you and Mickey through the worst shit,” he said. “I went really fucking psycho when you were a baby. I don't know how Mickey stuck around.”  
He let out a short, breathy laugh. “Fucking married me even.”

“Because the bipolar disorder isn't you,” Yevgeny said quietly. “It's a fight, yeah, but you're someone worth fighting for. We'll all fight for you.”

A few tears slid down Ian's cheeks. 

“I never said that to Monica,” he said, looking down at a shirt he was wringing in his hands. 

“I don't know a lot about Monica,” Yevgeny told him. “So I can't vouch for her, but we love you, and we want you around.”

\---------------------------

 

“How's Ian?” Carl asked, Danny on his back, and Brooke wrapped around his leg. 

“A mess,” Lip said, chucking his car keys onto the kitchen bar. “Gavvie's gonna stay here a while.”

“You live here?” Gavrel asked Carl.

“Yeah,” Carl said. “Got tired of living with Debbie and Matt. They cut up each other's food.”

Lip made a face. “That's weird.”

To Gavrel he said, “Yeah, Carl watches the girls in exchange for rent since he works nights right now.”

Lip immediately turned his attention to his daughters, leaving Gavrel alone with Carl. 

“So did Dad ever try to kill himself when he was younger?” He asked.

Carl shook his head.

“Not that I know of,” he said. “But Monica did. A lot.”

\--------------------------

 

“How did it feel to you?” Izzy asked as Fiona set down two mugs of hot chocolate on the table. “When your mom did this stuff?”

“Terrified,” Fiona admitted, sitting next to her. She wrapped her hands around her mug. “But you know, it's different with Ian.”

“Because he's your brother?” Izzy guessed.  
“Because he's a good father,” Fiona explained. “My mother was no good. Bipolar or not, she was a flake.”

She touched Izzy's hand. 

“The best thing you can do for your dad,” she said, in such a serious way that Izzy knew she was right. “Is be brave because right now, he can't. He's scared, more scared than we can ever be, and it helps when the people he loves most can be the ones who protect him.”

Izzy's eyes swelled with tears.

“I don't know how,” she admitted.

“You'll get there,” Fiona said. “Trust me. Right now, it's all about not fighting your dads on the decisions they make, and telling Ian that you love him.”

Izzy nodded and sipped at her hot chocolate. Jimmy walked into the house and let out a long, deep sigh. 

“I give up,” he said. “I'm calling someone.”

He frowned and added, “Oh, hi, Izzy.”

“Sit down,” Fiona told him, gesturing to one of the empty chairs. “Let's talk about Ian.”

\-------------------------

 

After they signed the paperwork, a nurse and an orderly led them to a metal door where only Ian was allowed. 

“Can I go in with him?” Yevgeny asked hopefully, not wanting to let go of his father just yet.

“No,” the nurse said. “I'm sorry.”

“I love you,” Mickey told him, giving him one final hug and kiss. “See you real soon, okay?”

Ian nodded and looked at Yevgeny, who hugged him too, more tightly than he had in a long time. Yevgeny knew deep down, though their parents loved them all the same, that he was Ian's favorite. He just felt it. He was going to make use of this status now.

“I'm proud of you, Dad,” he said quietly as they embraced. 

 

To Be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a big thank you to everyone who has been reviewing this story/universe. I may not use your ideas or use them right away, but I always consider them, and I try to write more parts about what you love and tone down on what gets negative feedback. I have NEVER kept going with a fic like this in my whole fanfiction history, but it's you guys that make me want to keep writing. I also want to apologize for responding to comments kind of late. I really do try and reply in a timely manner, but time management is not my middle name unfortunately. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and the next part will be up soonish.

It was a quiet, lonely Thursday night. The kids were staying with their mother. Ian was in the psych ward. It had been nearly three days, but seemed more like three months. Mickey sipped at his beer and stared at the television screen. A knock sounded at the door. Mickey got up to open it.

"Hey," He said, sounding surprised when he opened it. It was Svetlana. 

"Hey," she replied.

"Where're the kids?" He asked, stepping aside to let her in.

"Yevgeny's at work," she said, closing the door behind herself. "Alex took Izzy and Gavrel to the movies."

Mickey nodded, moving to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and raised his eyebrows at her, a silent gesture. Svetlana shook her head and took a seat at the kitchen table. It was strange, just the two of them. Mickey couldn't even remember the last time he'd been alone with her.

"How is Ian?" She asked after several seconds.

"I'm gonna go see him tomorrow," Mickey said, looking everywhere but at her. 

"You are not ready to see him?" She guessed.

Mickey said nothing.

Svetlana stood up and as she walked past him, she gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

"You hungry?" She asked, already moving to dig things out of the fridge and in the pantry. "Bacon and eggs?"

"You don't have to do that," Mickey said with a sigh.

Svetlana was already cracking eggs into a bowl to scramble and preheating the oven to bake them. Mickey stood up and pushed his chair in. 

"I feel bad about not seein' him," he finally said. "It's just...this time it was fuckin' scary, you know?"

Svetlana nodded casually, placing some strips of bacon into a skillet. The kitchen became warm and fragrant with the smell of bacon and buttery eggs. Mickey put some paper towels on top of plate to set the bacon on when it was ready.

"I am pregnant," Svetlana said, turning around and leaning against the edge of the counter top.

"Come again?" Mickey's eyebrows touched his hairline. "You're shittin' me."

Svetlana gave him a shy, half smile. She turned back to tend to the bacon.

"It was a surprise to me and Alex both," she admitted. "But we are happy. I have not told the kids yet." 

Mickey shrugged one shoulder. "That's, uh, great."

"It is," she said, nodding. "Another baby in the family will be nice."

Mickey looked at her, really looked at her, and he couldn't help but smile a little too. She was letting him know that this would be an addition to the "whole" family, not just the one on the North Side.

"Kids are gonna be fuckin' stoked," Mickey said. "And Ian, man..."

Svetlana smiled a real smile this time and placed the bacon strips on the plate, turning the burner off. 

"You need to go see him," she told him. "I know it is scary, but he depends on you like a child."

"No, he doesn't-" Mickey started, but Svetlana cut him off.

"They same way you depend on him," his ex-wife interrupted. "You two are nothing without the other. You are his Superman, he is your Ironman. Something like that. I don't know about superheroes."

"Gavvie could tell you," Mickey said with a soft snort. "He likes all that Marvel-DC shit."

Svetlana took the eggs out of the oven and Mickey got out two plates from the cabinet above the silverware drawer. They fixed plates and sat down to eat. The food was plentiful and delicious and made Mickey feel much better than he had before Svetlana showed up. 

"So you know what's goin' on with the kids?" Mickey asked, shoveling in some eggs. He didn't want to spill anything if it was going to cause problems. Not with what was going on with Ian at the time being.

"You are talking about Gavrel," Svetlana said. "About him being gay."

Mickey looked down at his plate. "Yeah, I guess."

"I already knew," she said.

Mickey looked up, an unconvinced look on his face.

"I could see it in the way he looks at Jakob," she said. "The way their hands touch when they think no one is looking."

She grinned a little and said, "It looked familiar."

After they ate, Mickey took their dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Svetlana watched him, her hands placed delicately on her belly, which was flat now, but would be growing in the months to come.

"Izzy is not handling it well," she said. "She doesn't understand. You should take her to see him."

\-----------

"So what was it like?" Jakob asked as he and Gavrel laid in bed on top of the comforter staring up at the ceiling. Their sock-clad feet occasionally brushing against each other. 

"The Bipolar stuff?" Gavrel replied.

"Yes."

Gavrel removed his hands from behind his head and rolled over onto his side.

"My dad called Yevgeny 'Mickey'," he said. "I remember because he said something like 'I fucked up, Mickey'."

Jakob took Gavrel's hand and played idly with his fingers. Gavrel tucked his knees up.

"I kept thinking he was gonna kill himself," he said quietly. "I've seen him cry and stuff and act weird, but this was different. This wasn't like him at all. He was in some different universe in his head."

"Jakob?" Jakob's mother called from outside the door. "Your father and I are going to dinner now."

"Alright," Jakob called back softly. "Have a good time."

His mother didn't respond to that. Both boys listened for the car outside to start and the engine to become further and further away. Gavrel sat up and stretched, reaching out to touch his toes. Jakob sat up too. 

"It's been a while since we've, you know," Gavrel said, trying to shrug casually. 

Jakob managed a half smile. Gavrel laid back down took Jakob's hand, holding it in both of his, and kissed it. Jakob laid back down, turning on his side to face him. 

"I'm not ready," he said quietly. "if that's okay."

Gavrel hesitated, but finally nodded.

"Yeah," he said. "It's okay."

\------------

"What'cha reading, Puddin'?" Alex asked, moving to throw his bottle of water away. Izzy was sitting at the kitchen table with her laptop in front of her. She was already in her pajamas sitting cross-legged, her hair out of her face in a bun sitting on top of her head.

"I think I want to be a doctor," Izzy said instead of answering his question. "How long did it take you to become a doctor?"

Alex moved to sit in the chair beside her. He let out a long sigh.

"It's a lot of work," he said. "But if you're dedicated, you can certainly do it. I'll do everything I can to help you get there."

Izzy smiled a little, looking at him.

"I'm looking up stuff about Bipolar Disorder," she said. "There's a lot I didn't know."

Alex nodded.

"I think it's great you're doing your research," he told her. "It's important for families to understand everything they can when someone has a problem."

Izzy closed the laptop and said, "He had a gun, Alex. I thought he was gonna shoot himself. Like, I was really waiting for it."

She sighed and said, "And me and Gavvie are such wimps. All I did was cry, and Gavvie was too frozen to move, but Yevvie wasn't. He actually tried to talk to Daddy."

Alex tucked some of her stray hair behind her ear.

"You and Gavvie aren't wimps," he assured her. "Some situations are so scary you can't do anything but be helpless, especially if you've never handled a situation like that before."

Izzy's eyes became glossy with tears. Alex silently got up and returned with a box of Kleenex. He didn't point out that she was crying again.

"Yevvie's older," he told her. "The older we get, the more calm we are in scary situations."

Izzy nodded, blowing her nose.

"I think you should go see your dad," Alex coaxed. "I'll talk to Mickey. I'm sure he'd love to take you and once you see your dad, I think it'll really help you both."

Izzy wiped her eyes, her bottom lip quivering. 

"I think you'd make a great doctor too," her stepfather added. "Being a doctor requires a lot of compassion and love, you're a very loving, compassionate person."

"Do you think my dad will kill himself one day?" Izzy asked suddenly, her voice cracking.

Alex shook his head. "Not as long as he has a great support system behind him."

\----------

"Your tip's on the table, Sweetheart," the older woman said as she brushed past Yevgeny towards the door. 

"Thank you," Yevgeny said, whizzing around other servers with his tray of drinks. Lita was a few feet away, taking a new party's order. It was a busy night, and that's how he liked it, especially since lately all he could think about was Ian going into the psych ward.

"Yev!" Melvin called, waving from the bar. "Table Four needs hot sauce. Could you grab it, Bro?"

Yevgeny nodded at him. He walked past Lita as he moved to the kitchen to get hot sauce. She smiled at him as she spoke to the customers. Things would not and could not be the same between them after they'd started having sex. It wasn't anything like what he had had with Jennifer Tuley. That was strictly physical and part of it was so thrilling because it was so wrong. With Lita, Yevgeny actually felt things deep inside of him. Lita hadn't called attention it, but Yevgeny had cried after, his warm tears staining her bare shoulder. Even then at the time, all Lita had done was stroke his hair softly. Yevgeny knew that he was in love, and it scared him as much as it made him happy. He had wanted to talk to his father about it, but that was on hold now, since his father was not exactly in the right frame of mind to talk about relationships. 

"Here you go," Yevgeny said, plunking the bottle of hot sauce down in front of some young adults-a whole swarm of them. The female half smiled flirtatiously at him. 

After his shift, Yevgeny hung around to wait for Lita to get off an hour later. As he waited, he called Mickey.

"Hey, Kid," Mickey said, picking up on the first ring.

"Hi," Yevgeny replied, staring at customers enter the restaurant from the safety of his car where it was quiet. 

"You off work?" Mickey asked.

"Yeah, just waiting for Lita," his son replied. "Did you go see Dad today?"

"Not yet," Mickey said. "We need to give him a little time. That's what they usually tell us when he goes."

Yevgeny chewed on his thumbnail, staring ahead. A loud silence buzzed between them.

"Want to go tomorrow?" He finally asked hesitantly. 

"Yeah," Mickey said. "That's a great idea."

After several seconds of more silence, he said, "You headin' back to Mom's tonight?"

"Yeah," Yevgeny replied, and then changed his mind. "Actually, I'll just head home. You mind if I bring Lita with me?"

"No, of course not," Mickey said, and then added in a more familiar parental tone, "You know how to be careful, Yev. Don't get yourself into some kind of trouble."

"We're being careful, Dad," Yevgeny said, smiling at the irony that this conversation actually kind of relieved him. It was less awkward than talking about visiting Ian. "I promise."

"There's condoms in the bathroom," Mickey continued, and Yevgeny guessed he felt the same way. 

"Geez, Dad," Yevgeny said. "How much sex do you think I have? All I asked if she could come over."

"Well, for starters," Mickey replied, his tone light. "You're a Milkovich so I know much."

Yevgeny squirmed uncomfortably in the driver's seat and ran his free hand through his dark hair. 

"Dad?" He gave a short sigh.

"Aw, fuck," Mickey said. 

"No," Yevgeny told him. "This isn't some 'I got her pregnant' thing."

He inhaled and gave a much deeper, longer sigh this time. 

"I think I'm in love with her," he confessed. "Like really and truly in love."

"Oh yeah?"

Yevgeny's face heated. It was easier to talk to Ian about these things because not only was Ian a fantastic listener, he was more sensitive and open about feelings. 

"I, um..." He began tugging at his hair. 

"You can tell me," Mickey said, his voice surprisingly gentle. 

"I cried," Yevgeny said quickly, wishing suddenly that his phone would go dead or he would get mugged. He wished more than anything that he could take the confession back. 

He half expected his father to ask what he was talking about, but to his surprise, Mickey knew exactly what he meant. 

"There's no shame in it," he said, trying to sound casual. 

"So you don't think that's because I've had a really fucked up experience with my teacher?" Yevgeny asked. "I know there's a lot of shit wrong with me after all that."

"There's nothing wrong with you," Mickey said sternly. "Bring Lita over here, tomorrow we'll go see Ian."

\----------------

Ian walked into the house, only it was different. It was the house he grew up in. Yevgeny looked at him, holding Brooklyn on his hip. Was Lip visiting? He didn't say anything to Ian, just looked at him. 

"What are you doing here?" Yevgeny asked, moving around the kitchen where a pot of spaghetti sauce was bubbling.

Ian was confused. What was he doing here?

"I'm going to work," Gavrel said, charging into the kitchen to grab an orange off the counter. He looked at Ian and frowned, but said nothing to him. 

"Tell Kash thanks for letting me borrow his tools," Yevgeny told him, bouncing Brooklyn slightly. 

Kash? Ian frowned and started to ask about that, but no words came out of his mouth. Rory, Fiona and Jimmy's son, came down the stairs with Lip's other daughter, Danny, trailing behind him. They approached Yevgeny, both speaking at once and upstairs a baby cried. Izzy came down the stairs next, smoking a cigarette. She was dressed like Mandy. 

"Diz," Ian said, finally finding his voice.

"What's he doing here?" Izzy asked, scowling. 

"What time do you get off work?" Yevgeny asked Gavrel. 

"I'm staying the night with Kash," Gavrel said.

"No, you're not!" Ian said. 

"Don't tell me what to do!" Gavrel said. "You pop in and out of our lives whenever you want! You're not my dad!"

"Not to mention Mickey's an absent drunk," Yevgeny scoffed. "Ian, do us a favor and leave. Rory, go check on Ivy upstairs."

Ivy was Debbie's daughter. 

"What's going on?" Ian asked. "Izzy, stop smoking!"

Suddenly, Kash was in the room, his hand gingerly trailing down Gavrel's back. Yevgeny was trying to soothe a crying baby. Izzy was sitting on the counter top, her face hidden by dark, whorish makeup, blowing out smoke. 

\-----

Ian woke up gasping. Reality came to him quickly and he remembered where he was as his brain sorted out what was real and what was a dream. He sat up, holding his head which felt thick and wobbly. Softly, he began to cry, covering his face with his hands. He cried for a few minutes before getting out of bed and walking out of the room to find one of the night attendants. She smiled kindly at him.

"Everything okay, Ian?" She asked gently, leading him to the sofa. 

Ian swallowed hard and nodded.

"Can I make a phone call?" He asked.

"Of course you can," she told him, patting his arm. 

\--------

Mickey woke up, squinting at the bright light of his phone as it blasted a noisy musical number. He sat up and glanced at the screen. It was an unknown number. 

"Hello?" He asked groggily, rubbing his eyes.

"Mickey."

He was wide awake now. 

"Hey," he breathed out. "Everything okay? Christ, Ian. It's the middle of the night."

"I'm sorry," Ian said. "For everything, and I'm sorry for scaring the kids, and I love you."

Mickey let out a deep sigh.

"You don't have to be sorry," he told him. "I love you too. Kids and I are coming to see you tomorrow-"

"No," Ian said abruptly.

"No?" Mickey frowned. 

"I can't," Ian said. "Not right now. Not after what I did."

Mickey sighed again.

"Ian, they get it," he said. "They understand."

"Why did you do it, Mickey?" Ian asked. "Why did you marry me? I should have a fucking 'do not touch' tattoo on my forehead. I just keep winding right back up in the fucking nuthouse, making everyone I care about worry."

Mickey leaned his head back against the headboard, staring up at the ceiling. He rubbed at his tired eyes once more. 

"Because I need you," he said, remembering what Svetlana had said about them having to depend on each other. "You may be bat-shit crazy, but you're the only person who makes me feel like I'm worth fucking anything. Even if the nuthouse is thrown into the mix, you're the only one I wanna be with."

Mickey wished more than anything that he was there with Ian, pulling him against his side, stroking his thick red hair, inhaling his unique clean scent. He covered his eyes with his hand, trying to imagine these things, but he didn['t have much of an imagination. He needed the real thing. 

"I'll come see you tomorrow," he finally said. "Okay?"

"Yeah...." Ian said, his voice cracking. 

Mickey sighed and said, "Let me ask you a question."

Ian said nothing.

"Why did you marry me?" Mickey asked. "It's not like I did you any favors before we got hitched. I was a selfish piece of shit that kept you away from your family."

Ian let out a deflated sounding chuckle. 

"Because you never let me feel sorry for myself," he said. "Everything you say to me, I believe it. I always have."

Mickey's heart fluttered and tears came to his eyes. He laid back down.

"I love you," he said, wishing more than ever that he wasn't so far away.

"Yeah," Ian said in a small voice. "I know."

 

To Be Continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Yevgeny licked his lips nervously as the attendant handed him and Mickey visitor badges. It had been years since he'd been in this place, but he remembered it well enough. How cold it was, and quiet except for the occasional loud and incoherent voice. Mickey gave him a light slap on the back as they walked into the recreation area where Ian would meet them. Izzy and Gavvie had thrown a fit about not being able to go, but Mickey had insisted on just Yevgeny accompanying him. 

"So why didn't you want them to go?" Yevgeny asked as they took a seat on one of the small sofas. It squeaked loudly beneath them. 

Mickey scrubbed a hand down his mouth and said, "Ian don't need that kind of stress right now."

Ian arrived shortly and smiled shyly at them, averting his gaze for a second. Yevgeny and Mickey stood up and moved to embrace him. Mickey hugged him first, long and tight. Yevgeny waited patiently.

"Brought Yev," Mickey said, nodding at their son.

"Hey," Ian breathed, hugging Yevgeny and kissing him. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Yevgeny said. "How are you?"

Mickey took Ian by the hand and led him to the sofa. Yevgeny noted the paper wrist band and tried to ignore it. Once they were settled, none of them knew what to say. Ian's hair was unkempt and there were dark rings under his eyes. He looked paler than usual.

"How are things at home?" Ian asked.

"Mom's pregnant," Yevgeny said.

Ian's tired looking eyes widened slightly. In a flat voice he said, "Holy shit."

"Yeah," Mickey agreed, eyebrows raised high. "Another baby."

He slapped Ian's thigh playfully with the back of his hand. "Know you'll like that. You fuckin' love babies."

"How're Izzy and Gavvie?" Ian wanted to know.

"They're good," Mickey said. "There staying with Lana right now. Yev's staying at the house with me..."

Ian nodded, though he looked like his thoughts were a million miles away. A few feet away from them, a woman talked loudly to herself, miming taking things from a shelf and putting them into a shopping cart. The Milkoviches watched her, half relieved for the distraction, half feeling awkward because Ian was mixed up in this place with people like her. 

"They're assigning me to a new doctor," Ian said. "And they want me to go to regular counseling."

Mickey nodded. "Okay."

Ian glanced hesitantly at Yevgeny before he dipped his head and said in a small voice, "They want me to make a suicide list."

"They called it that?" Yevgeny asked, horrified.

Ian and Mickey both shook their heads.

"They never call it that," Mickey assured him.

"But that's what they mean," Ian said, sounding dejected.

Mickey took his hand in his and gave it a squeeze. 

"Hey," he told Ian. "We know now that you have the greatest support system in the world, right?"

"Hi, are you Mickey?" A man asked, approaching them. 

Mickey and Yevgeny stood up again. The man shook Mickey's hand and introduced himself.

"I'm James Musgrove," he said. "I've been advised to see Ian regularly."

He was an older man, heavyset with a deep, booming voice, but in a way it was sort of gentle. He turned and shook Yevgeny's hand too. 

"Ian and I have talked several times now," Dr. Musgrove said, smiling at Ian. "And I have to say that there's nothing wrong with him."

Mickey frowned. "He's bipolar. He just tried to fucking blow his brains out-"

"I mean for someone with Bipolar disorder," Dr. Musgrove interrupted him gently. "His history is good, I mean as far as the episodes go. For some people, suicide attempts are a monthly occurrence. Plus there seems to be no trouble with drugs, with your marriage, he holds a job, takes care of himself physically..."

Yevgeny managed a small half smile. The way Dr. Musgrove described these things made Ian sound like Superman. 

"I think with some new medication and regular therapy," he continued. "Ian will be ready to go home."

He looked at Ian and said, "If you feel you're ready. There's no rush, you know."

Ian ran a hand through his hair and said, "I'm not ready."

Yevgeny's heart fell. Mickey looked away, folding his lips in, and nodded. Dr. Musgrove stared at Ian for several seconds and said, "That's fine."

To Mickey he said, "I'd really like to set up a family session. I can recommend a few very good family psychiatrists, but I think it's important the whole family gets involved."

After he spoke with them for a little while longer, he gave Ian's shoulder a gentle pat and left. Ian shrugged helplessly and said, "I'm sorry."

"There's no reason to be sorry," Mickey told him. "You know that."

Ian sighed and said, "Yev, I'm sorry for what I put you through. What I put Gavvie and Izzy through."

"Dad, it's okay-"

"No, it's not!" Ian snapped. "Quit telling me it's okay! I had a gun, Yev. I had a gun and right in front of my three kids..."

His voice cracked and he swallowed hard. Mickey sighed, shaking his head slightly. He looked just as helpless as Ian. Yevgeny was caught in one of those weird moments again-the kind where his and his parents roles were somehow reversed. He'd been in a lot of these lately.

"It IS okay," he said firmly. "You don't get to decide that, Dad."

Mickey looked at him, his brows furrowed slightly. 

"It wasn't okay for you, but it was for me," Yevgeny continued. "Because I finally saw what kind of Hell you go through everyday to keep this disease in check. I'm okay because I know I can help you, I know that in a situation like that, I can stay calm."

A few tears rolled down Ian's cheeks. Yevgeny's own eyes filled with tears, but he blinked them back.

"It is okay," he said. "Because you have me. And you have Dad. And the kids. And Mom. And Alex. And your brothers and sisters."

Ian looked away, tears falling freely now.

"And we will never give up on you," Yevgeny said. He hugged Ian, who let out a loud sob into his shirt. Again, he was the strong support and Ian was helpless, their roles reversed once more. 

"You never have to apologize for this," he told him. 

\-----------------

Yevgeny found himself doing things around both houses just to keep busy. He did dishes, laundry, helped his siblings with their homework...if he wasn't busy at work, he was busy at home. He knew he had seen this behavior before in Ian. He wondered if Ian did it to distract himself from, well, himself. When he ran out of things to clean, he found himself with Lita, who was very understanding of everything going on.

One evening, they sat in the comfort of her car, the winter wind blowing violently outside. Lita turned to Yevgeny and playfully squeezed his nose with her gloved hands. Yevgeny took her hand and kissed it. 

"Hey, when I met your parents," he said suddenly. "They said you had a sister."

Lita nodded. "Yeah." 

"Why didn't you tell me you had a sister?" He asked. 

Lita shifted in her seat. Yevgeny watched her.

"Because I don't consider her my sister," she said simply, toying with the zipper of her jacket. 

"Oh," Yevgeny said, wanting to know more, but he figured the rest was none of his business. 

Lita sighed and said, "The party I went to, where I got attacked...my sister took me."

"Oh," he said again. "So...you blame her for-"

"I don't blame her for what happened," Lita said. "I blame her because when I told her, she convinced me to keep it quiet. It made me feel so disgusting and dirty, like I was in the wrong and it ate at me for weeks before I finally cracked."

Yevgeny twisted in his seat to face her, a concerned look on his face. Lita tucked some hair behind her ear under her beanie hat.

"I tried to kill myself too," she said quietly. 

\---------------------------  
"Happy birthday, Dear Izzy, you belong in a zoo," Joey said as he joined his mother and Izzy at the table where Ms. Pols had baked a small cake with a candle on it. 

Izzy ignored the part about the zoo, but she liked being called 'dear', even it was part of the song. Today, she was twelve, and even though there was a lot going on at home and one of her fathers could not be with her, she had not had a terrible birthday.

Her mother and Alex had let her miss school and took her to breakfast. After that, Svetlana took her to get her a manicure and a pedicure AND her makeup professionally done at a salon. The lady doing her makeup had not put a lot on her and told her she naturally had nice bone structure, eyelashes, and lips. All of the Gallaghers and Milkoviches had called to wish her a happy birthday and Mickey promised to do something with her on his next off day except go see a chick flick or shoe shopping. Joey's mother had gotten Chinese takeout and ice cream to go with the pink-frosted chocolate cake. 

"Joey," Ms. Pols said. "Get the ice cream from the freezer, would you?"

Joey did so and Ms. Pols handed the serving knife to Izzy.

"I'm terrible at cutting cake," Izzy admitted.

Joey wordlessly motioned for her to pass it to him and he clumsily sliced three pieces of cake and placed them onto plates. They began to eat. 

"It's delicious," Izzy told his mother.

"Thank you," Ms. Pols said. "I got the recipe from Betty Crocker. Pretty difficult-add 1/4 cup of oil and two eggs."

"My mom's a whiz in the kitchen," Joey said, adding to the joke. 

After cake, Joey and Izzy put on their coats, hats, gloves, and boots and went outside. It was freezing outside and windy. Izzy wondered what her mother was thinking getting pregnant nine months before a Chicago winter. She envied those with summer birthdays. 

"How's Ian?" Joey asked. 

"I wouldn't know," Izzy said. "I'm not allowed to see him. Only Yevvie is."

Joey nodded. They began to walk up and down the street. Somebody's trashcan blew over and Joey jogged over to pick it up. 

"I've been reading a lot about Bipolar disorder," Izzy said when he returned. "It's a lot more complicated than I thought it was. It can keep you from sleeping, from eating, some people act way worse than my dad."

She sighed and said, "And it can go on for months at a time. Can you believe that? Months?"

"My grandpa had Alzheimer's," Joey replied. "My aunt was taking care of him, but he lived right here in town so I got to see him a lot. I remember one time going over there and he asked me who I was."

Izzy stared at him sadly. 

"It hurt so bad I didn't know what to say," he told her. "And some days he knew exactly who I was and other times he thought I was his brother, John."

"Is he dead now?" Izzy asked.

"No, but he had to be moved to assisted living," Joey replied. "He drove out to the old diner where he met my grandma, but it wasn't a diner anymore. It was just an abandoned building, and he broke in and sat down at one of the booths. And when a cop finally found him, he was practically frozen, and then he asked the cop for a biscuit and jelly."

"Joey, that's terrible," Izzy said.

"I sort of know what you're going through," he said. "I mean, I know it's not exactly the same thing, but I know what it's like when a grown up in your life suddenly goes nuts and you don't know what to think. I know it sounds horrible, but there were some days I hated my grandpa-this really deep down part of me that felt really ashamed but I couldn't help it. I just wanted him to be my grandpa. It almost felt like he wasn't even trying so the stupid disease was all his fault."

Izzy looked away. It was like she was a butterfly and Joey had pinned her wings to a board, and he didn't even know it.

\--------------------------

Gavrel inhaled sharply from the cold as he rapped on Jakob's front door. There was no answer and he knocked again. Jakob's father opened the door.   
"Hi," Gavrel said.  
"Oh, I am sorry, Gavrel," Mr. Sitruk said. "Jakob cannot have company tonight."

"Oh." Gavrel didn't know what to say to that. Jakob's parents had never told him that before. 

"Be safe going home," Mr. Sitruk said, smiling politely before shutting the door. 

Gavrel walked down the path leading to the front door and called Jakob's cell phone. Was Jakob in trouble? It didn't seem likely. He was such a nerd when it came to schoolwork and a goody-goody when it came to behaving like a perfect son and student. 

"Hey," Jakob said.

"Hey," Gavrel said, watching his own cold breath. "Your dad said you couldn't have company. Everything okay?"

"You were here?" Jakob asked.

"Yeah." Gavrel's brows furrowed. "I still am. I just wanted to make sure you weren't in any kind of trouble or sick or something."

There was some hesitation in Jakob's voice as he said, "Um, no. I'm not in trouble."

"Are you sure?" Gavrel asked.

He suddenly heard a female voice speaking rapidly in French. Jakob answered something back to her and then told Gavrel, "Listen, I'll talk to you in a few hours. Is that alright?"

"Who is that?" Gavrel wanted to know. "Your tutor or something?"

The line went dead and Gavrel frowned. A few minutes later, Jakob texted him. 

'My dad invited a friend's daughter over. They just moved from France'.

Gavrel frowned.

'Okay. So?' He texted back.

'My dad wants me to spend time alone with her'.

Gavrel bit his bottom lip and jammed his phone into his coat pocket. He then took it out and called Stephanie. 

"Are you busy?" He asked.

 

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Finally! I hope you enjoy it. This is the last part of 'I Love You' but a new part soon will be out of this universe...story...thing...whirlwind of emotion and despair. I know I respond to your comments kind of late because I am a terrible human being, but I will. I promise. I just actually need to sit and have my eyes glaze over and get into a Shameless mood so I can respond a nice, wonderful response because you guys are amazing.

Gavrel and Stephanie sat outside his house on the steps, the cold night air chilling them nearly to the bone. The house across the street had Christmas lights up. Gavrel stared at the lights, almost forgetting why they were there. Christmas seemed like such a far away concept now, even if it was just a few weeks away.

"How's everything with your dad?" Stephanie asked.

Gavrel shrugged.

"He doesn't wanna see me or my sister," he said, brushing snow from the shoulder of his coat.

"I'm sure he has a good reason," Stephanie replied gently. "Maybe he's ashamed."

Gavrel nodded, leaning back on his palms. He thought about Jakob and wondered if he should tell Stephanie about what was going on. How could he possibly tell without sounding gay? Would she figure it out if he told her everything without the boyfriend part? His thoughts were interrupted when Yevgeny pulled into the driveway, the headlights of Mickey's car shining in their eyes.

"Hey," he said, getting out of the car. "You guys wanna come in? It's freezing."

Stephanie looked at Gavrel. He shrugged and stood up and so did she. They followed Yevgeny inside. Mickey was watching television. Izzy was in her room, music playing behind her closed door.

"Hot chocolate?" Yevgeny offered, retrieving a box from the cupboard above the stove and shaking it.

"Please," Stephanie said, smiling. 

Gavrel checked his phone to see if Jakob had texted him, but he had not.   
\----------  
"When can I go see Daddy?" Izzy demanded as she towel-dried her hair, coming out of the bathroom and running into Mickey in the hallway.

"When he's ready, I'll take you," Mickey said. "I promise."

He went into the kitchen to sit down and pay all of the bills that needed to be paid. Something Ian normally did. It was now a week before Christmas, school was out, and all of the kids were home. Without Ian, they found themselves feeling grouchy toward one another. Somebody was always complaining about their being no clean towels or someone had tracked in snow. 

"Why doesn't he want to see me or Gavvie?" She asked, sitting at the table with him.

"Reuse that towel," Mickey told her. "We've been doing way too much laundry around here."

He sighed and said, "Remind me to add laundry detergent to the grocery list."

Izzy held her towel in her lap and frowned. She watched as Mickey stacked the open envelopes beside him and logged onto the laptop he and Ian shared so he could begin paying bills online.

"What do they tell him in therapy anyway?" She asked. "Do they tell him it's all our fault he's Bipolar? That we make it worse?"

Mickey let out a frustrated sigh. "No."

"Does he think me and Gavvie are annoying? Is he mad because we didn't do anything to stop him? Is he-"

"Izzy, NO," Mickey said sharply and then sighed apologetically. "No, it's nothing like that."

Izzy stood up and slammed her chair in roughly. 

"Or is it because Yevvie's his favorite?" She spoke just as sharply. "He's always been the favorite! You and Daddy love him more than me and Gavvie anyway. He probably only wants Yevvie there anyway!"

She turned to jog up the stairs and Mickey called to her.

"Izzy!" He said. "Get back here!"

Her bedroom door shut indicating that she was most certainly not going back. Mickey sighed and shook his head. A few moments later, Gavrel came into the kitchen to get a bottle of water from the fridge. 

"Are we ever gonna get to see Dad?" He wanted to know, taking a drink as he stood by the fridge.

"Yes," Mickey said, closing the laptop lid. "Fuck, yes, okay? Ian just feels you guys won't really understand it yet. Yev had a hard time going when he was your age."

Gavrel sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. Mickey opened the laptop again and tried to pay some bills. They sat in peaceful silence.

\--------------  
Izzy wasn't sure why she was so angry. The whole ordeal had her messed up. Sometimes she felt like crying and other times she felt like screaming and throwing an old-fashioned tantrums. The kinds she used to throw when she was young. The kind where she would lay on her bed and beat the wall with the heel of her shoe or slam her bedroom door over and over until things fell off of her wall. She was too old for such tantrums now, but oh how good it would feel to express her unhappiness. Instead, she went to her desk which was covered in paper and bits of clay (she'd gotten really into clay lately) and began to draw. She drew a picture of a rose-it was nice and complicated, but not so complicated she could not do it, and she soon found herself absorbed in sketching each individual petal.   
After several minutes, she felt her lower abdomen start to hurt. It had been doing that for a few days on and off now and she figured it was stress. A lot of her research on Bipolar disorder and psychology had talked about how stress could cause physical problems like insomnia, stomachaches, headaches, nausea, and even acne. She wriggled in her chair, trying to relax.  
The feeling became more and more persistent and then another problem presented itself. Izzy walked out of the room to the hall bathroom and pulled down her leggings and underwear. 

\--------------------  
There was a problem being the only female in the house. For one thing, they did not have a bathroom trashcan, but more importantly, there were no tampons or pads in the house. Izzy stood in the bathroom, bleeding through her underwear, wondering what to do. She knew what a period was. A lot of the girls in her grade already had them and they had had to watch a video about in gym class, but she didn't think about it much because she didn't have one. Now she did and she didn't know what to do. Her mother and Alex were gone for the next three days to visit Alex's grown up children who Izzy had only met twice. Tucking a good amount of folded toilet paper into her underwear, Izzy walked out of the kitchen and down the stairs. Mickey and Gavrel were at the table. She was glad her leggings were black.

"I need to go to the store," she said.

"I just went to the store," Mickey said, closing the laptop. He sounded less irritated then when he started bill paying. He stood up and moved to the fridge to check and see what they could have for dinner. 

"But I still need to go," Izzy said. She looked at Gavrel and wished he would go away. 

"How does chicken sound tonight?" Mickey asked them. 

Izzy went back upstairs and called Fiona, but there was no answer. Debbie was at work. She could feel the toilet paper not working very well. She headed back down the stairs and found Mickey alone, taking a frozen package of chicken from the freezer along with a frozen bag of peas. 

"Take me to the store," she told him.

"No," he said. "We'll go again in a few days. We have plenty to eat."

"I started my period," Izzy said quietly, her face burning all the way to the tips of her ears.

Mickey looked at her. "Oh."

Izzy felt hot tears well up in her eyes. This was not the time for her mother or Ian to be absent. Mickey was a great dad, but not the kind she wanted to talk about periods with. He ran a hand through his hair awkwardly and said, "Um, yeah...fuck...go get your shoes and your coat."  
\------  
The drive to the store was long and silent. When they got there, Mickey stood by the door.

"You, uh, know where to go?" He asked.

Izzy nodded. She made her way to the aisle with feminine care products and grabbed a box of tampons. That's what her mother and Fiona used. So she didn't have to be seen walking around with just a box of tampons, she also grabbed a bottle of shampoo and a three pack of paper towels. It covered her real purchase quite nicely. Mickey noticed her return and followed her to the self-check out area. She set the items down and he sighed a little. She looked at him.

"You sure that's what you need?" He asked, looking away.

"Yes," Izzy said, turning red again. 

As she scanned them, Mickey sighed again, sounding frustrated. 

"I think, um, those are for women," he said.

Izzy was indignant. "I am a woman!"

"No," MIckey said. "That's not what I meant. Fuck. I mean, weren't there any...those other things..."

"Daddy, stop talking about this stuff," Izzy said, scanning the paper towels last. "It's weird."

"Okay." Mickey backed off, but he still seemed unsure about something.  
\-----  
When they got home, Izzy took the shampoo and tampons to the upstairs bathroom. She opened the box and inspected one its hot pink wrapping. She took out the paper instructions and unfolded them. There were no pictures, only tiny print. She removed her shoes and and leggings and underwear and kicked them aside. As she unwrapped one of the tampons, she wondered how she was going to get it in. It looked too small to pull it back out. What if it got lost inside of her? What if she moved wrong and it went up into her stomach? The instructions had warned about something called 'Toxic Shock Syndrome'. What if she got that? Could she be allergic to the tampons? Menstrual blood began to seep down her thigh and so she decided just to act. She pushed it in, just the tip, and it hurt. Frustrated, she tried again, ignoring the sharp pain. Was the plastic supposed to stay in? The round edge of the end was sharp and she felt it, all of it. It was really uncomfortable. She pulled it out and looked at it, wrapping it up in toilet paper and throwing it away in the grocery bag she'd brought upstairs because there was no bathroom trash can.   
She looked over the instructions again, tears sliding down her face. She washed her hands and took out her phone, dialing a number.

"Hello?" Frank answered.

"Grandpa Frank?" She asked, hoping her cracking voice didn't give her tears away.

"My favorite granddaughter!" Frank bubbled cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Is Grandma Sheila there?" She asked.

She was glad he didn't ask why. He just called to his wife and she came to the phone. Her sweet, maternal voice made Izzy lose it. 

"Hello, Izzy!" She chirped. "What a nice surprise. What can I do for you?"

"Can you come get me? Please?" Izzy wept. 

"Oh!" Sheila sounded concerned. "Are you alright, Honey? Frank, go get Izzy. She's crying!"

Izzy knew that they were aware Ian was in the psych ward. Even though Ian and the Gallagher children had not gotten along with their father, he was good to his grandchildren so they reluctantly put up with him for the next generation's sake. That meant any family news got to them. 

"Crying?" She heard Frank say. "Why?"

"Frank!" Sheila commanded. "Go get her. NOW."

Izzy's heart soared when she heard Frank say, "Okay, okay."

She knew that when she got there, Sheila would sit down and tell her in her extra nurturing way how periods would worked. She might have a hot water bottle to put on her stomach, and she would fix her a little bed on the sofa like she did on those rare occasions the kids were sick but had nowhere to stay during their parents' work days. She would make Izzy feel better about crying and Grandpa Frank would let her snuggle up next to him while he barked at the television. Grandma Sheila would cook something delicious that wasn't straight from the freezer or thrown together and fried in a skillet. 

\-------------  
Yevgeny was on his way out the door to work when he ran into Frank and Sheila. 

"Hello, Yevgeny!" Sheila said cheerfully as she and Frank walked past him into the house. Sheila looked at his work apron.

"Would you like me to wash and iron that for you?" She asked, smiling. "I don't mind."

"Um." Yevgeny looked at it. "Sure, I have another one in the car."

Mickey walked into the living room and frowned at them. Sheila waved. 

"What are you doing here?" Mickey asked. 

"Izzy called us in tears," Frank said dramatically. "In tears, Mickey. Do you not understand how much your children are hurting right now? This is what that phony, Bipolar medication does-"

"Frank-" Mickey held up his hand. "DON'T. What do you mean Izzy called you? Izzy!"

Izzy meekly came down the stairs with her packed bag. Mickey looked at her. 

"You didn't think it might be a good idea to tell me you were goin' somewhere?" Mickey asked her, eyebrows raised. 

Izzy didn't know how to explain to him she had to leave because she did not know how to put a tampon in and that she was cramping and missed her mother and other father and she lived in a house with boys who were practically barbaric because they didn't keep trashcans in the bathroom so even if she did know how to insert a tampon correctly how was she supposed to throw it away?

Mickey's stern expression seemed to soften and he said, "I'll let it go this time, but you don't pull this shit again. If you wanna go somewhere, you ask me first. Got it?"

Izzy nodded and followed Sheila and Frank outside to their big spacious SUV. Before they got in, Izzy quietly pulled Sheila aside and whispered, "I started my period."

Sheila nodded, understanding, and prodded her into the vehicle. Izzy leaned against the seat, relieved that she would be away for a little while. Away from all of the stress without Ian. 

\-------

"I'm not interested in her," Jakob said as he and Gavrel walked along the trail of the park on the north side. "My dad just wants me to be interested in her."

Gavrel kicked a pebble. He didn't know how to express his frustration about the entire situation. Why couldn't Jakob just tell his parents he was gay? What was the worst they could do to him? Throw him out? That could only make things better because then he could live with Gavrel. The idea excited him almost-knowing that he and Jakob would wake up together and eat breakfast together, go to bed together, toothbrushes in side by side cups.

When Gavrel said nothing, Jakob extended his hand slightly and Gavrel took it. He couldn't really complain, he realized suddenly. If a jogger happened by, he would drop Gavrel's hand like a hot potato. It wasn't easy to be gay around everyone. 

"Hanukkah starts tomorrow," Jakob told him. "Want to come over for dinner?"

Gavrel nodded. He liked the idea of sharing a holiday with his boyfriend. Boyfriend. The word even sounded nice in his head. He'd hoped Ian would be out already so he could ask him to help pick out a gift for Jakob. Mickey's idea of gifts were money, and he didn't want his mother getting suspicious. Sometimes he suspected she already knew, but he didn't want to take any chances. 

They reached the end of the trail which led to a bridge over a small stream. The bridge led to an adjacent park. The stream was frozen now, but in the warmer months there would be turtles in it. They leaned over the bridge staring down at the ice. Gavrel looked up and saw Jakob quickly look away. He had been looking at him. Jakob smiled a little shyly and Gavrel leaned his chin on the railing. It was cold. When he removed his chin, he roughly tagged Jakob and said, "Catch me".

The two of them began to run across the bridge, back down the trail, and Gavrel tripped and fell. Jakob knelt down next to him. Gavrel grinned, brushing dirt from his cheek, and pulled Jakob clumsily and roughly into a position to kiss him. Jakob kissed him back. It was a new, magical experience because they had never kissed like this before, out the open. It wasn't really 'out in the open', but it wasn't in one of their bedrooms either. It was different. It was freeing. 

\-------------------  
Izzy felt so good being freshly showered in her pajamas (even if it was only seven o'clock) and wearing a sanitary napkin. Sheila made pot roast and broccoli and baked potatoes for dinner. The pot roast was not the least bit stringy and extra tender and she served oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for dessert. After dinner, Izzy snuggled up against Frank on the sofa as he griped about things happening on the evening news, chuckling at his sarcastic comments. 

"Grandpa Frank?" She asked suddenly.

"Mmhmm?"

"What do you think will happen with my dad?" She asked, and she knew that he knew which 'dad' she was referring to. 

"He'll get out," he said. "Act normal for a while, pull a crazy stunt, get over-medicated again and wind up there until they can pull more money from his pockets."

Izzy felt sad. She often heard Ian complain about his medication and how there were too many pills to take and that some of them made him irritated or gain weight. He kept his pills in a long plastic container and took them at various parts of the day and night. 

"Fiona said Monica was Bipolar too," Izzy told him. "She said she didn't try like Ian does."

Frank was silent for several seconds. 

"Fiona's right," he finally said.

That made Izzy feel better. Ian did try. He would continue to try. Even if Izzy felt angry at his disease sometimes, she could always remember that. He was trying. She sighed and leaned against her grandfather, listening to him rant and rave at the television, Sheila moving around in the kitchen to tidy up. 

\----------  
Izzy and Gavrel were nervous. They were finally, FINALLY allowed to see Ian. He wanted to see them. Mickey could not go because he had to work and Yevgeny was too young to go without an adult so they were all going with Fiona. When they got there, Izzy and Gavrel felt slightly relieved once inside. Izzy had imagined it as some prison with cells as soon as you walked in, or doors with little barred windows, crazy people screaming inside and sticking their hands out. Gavrel had imagined everything being white like Jakob's house, bright, blinding lights, almost like the set up of a horror movie.

"Ian Gallagher," Fiona told the receptionist casually. 

They all received a visitor badge and were led to a big open space with couches, a television on the corner wall playing softly, and magazines and books put out. Yevgeny gave Gavrel's shoulder a gentle squeeze as they sat on one of the couches. The patients wore t-shirts and sweatpants and paper bracelets and shuffled around quietly. Izzy and Gavrel tried not to stare. Izzy focused on the television. 

"Hey." Yevgeny's voice brought her attention back.

Ian walked up to them and Yevgeny stood up to embrace him. Izzy hugged him next, feeling her throat clot. How good it felt to hug him, to inhale his scent, to feel his lips brush against her face. She never wanted to let him. go. Ian hugged Gavrel next, who surprisingly, hugged him back, long and hard. He even let Ian kiss him without making a face. Fiona hugged and kissed him too.

"Do they have video games here?" Gavrel asked, and Izzy rolled her eyes. 

"Not any good ones," Ian said, smiling. Like Gavrel, he loved video games. 

"Mama's pregnant," Izzy announced. "She's due in August. I've been helping her look at baby names."

Ian nodded, smiling. Izzy wanted to ask him so much about this place and his therapy and the big question-when was he coming home, but Mickey and Fiona had drilled it into her and Gavrel that they were not supposed to ask those kinds of questions. It turns out she didn't have to.

"So, I think I'm ready to come home," he said.

"Ian, that's great," Fiona said. "Are you sure?"

Gavrel knew it was rude to even think it, but he wanted to tell Fiona to shut up. He missed Ian a great deal and had already made a mental promise to himself to keep an eye on him, to try and keep him happy. He had already made plans to start going running with him and shopping and other boring things Ian was always asking him to do with him. Now, if it could keep him out of place, Gavrel would do just about anything. 

Ian nodded, sure of himself.

"Dr. Musgrove's been really great," he said. "He's helped me ease onto a new set of meds. They're nowhere as intense as Lithium, and he thinks with weekly therapy I'll be okay."

"What kind of meds?" Yevgeny asked. 

Ian sighed and began to list them off. They all had long, complicated sounding names. The kinds you would hear about on television commercials where people were kayaking and doing yoga and making it look so easy to do certain things while struggling with a disease.

"He said there's been real breakthroughs in Bipolar treatment," Ian continued. "And I'm a good candidate for these trial medications because I don't do drugs and have a pretty active lifestyle."

"I'll go running with you," Gavrel blurted out. He suddenly longed to be alone with his father, and tell him all about Jakob and his feelings and how stressful things had been at home. He did not say any of these things.

"Dad'll be happy you're home too," Yevgeny said, jokingly. "He's tired of cooking."

"He's cooking?" Ian grinned, his brows furrowing slightly.

"Not real cooking," Izzy said. "Those frozen skillet things. Or random things he made up like eggs and cheese and hamburger meat in a frying pan."

Izzy wanted it to sound disgusting, like they couldn't wait for Ian to come home and save them from such dishes, but she actually liked that egg, cheese, and hamburger meat dish. She would wait until another time to confess that.

\-------  
The ride home was pleasant and once they were actually at the house, Ian seemed to relax a lot more. Fiona helped them all get inside and stayed for a cup of coffee and then she left. Ian seemed to pick up right where he left off, tending to laundry and dishes and muttering about how Mickey reorganized their important mail and things in the cabinet. He turned on some music on his phone as he rearranged everything back to the way he preferred it. Yevgeny went upstairs to get ready for work and Gavrel went upstairs to play X-Box. He was content just having Ian back in the house. Izzy stayed to help Ian.

"I started my period," she said. 

Ian paused. "Oh."

It was probably not something he wanted to hear, but Izzy felt it was unfair for Mickey to know and not him. Just in case he saw a box of sanitary napkins in the bathroom or written on the grocery list.

"We need trashcans for the bathroom," she added quickly. 

Ian nodded. "Yeah, um, sure. I'll get some."

She helped him to load the dishwasher. 

"I want to make a deal with you," she said.

Ian looked at her, eyebrows raised. Izzy toyed with a glass she was holding. 

"There's some girls at school," she said. "They're jerks, and I've been pretending to be friends with them, but I'm not really. I actually hate them. They make fun of people who can't help their situations and a teacher who's gay and I should have never started hanging out with them."

Ian stared at her, a trace of amusement in his eyes.

"When school starts again," Izzy said. "I'm going to stop hanging out with them. I have Joey now, and I can make new friends. Real, genuine friends."

Ian nodded and continued to load the washer.

"That's good," he said. "So, um, what part of this is my deal exactly?"

"If I'm going to stop pretending then so are you," Izzy told him, trying to sound sure of herself.

Ian smiled. "I pretend?"

"You have to stop pretending everything is okay when it's not," Izzy said. "When you get worried or scared about stuff, talk to us. Or if you ever go to the psych ward again-" she didn't dare say 'when'. 

Ian watched her, his face warm and gentle and understanding. 

"Just don't shut us out," she told him. She sighed and moved to sit down at the table. Ian sat down too.

"I don't even remember you have Bipolar disorder half the time," she admitted. "So it's not a big deal to me. Well, now it is, but I don't think of you having some horrible disease where I raise awareness with ribbons."

"I promise I won't shut you guys out anymore," Ian said, and then took her hand. "Actually, Dr. Musgrove told me about this great idea. I was wondering if you'd help me."

Izzy's eyes lit up. "Okay."

"He wants me to make a video of me telling myself that it's getting to be too much. He wants ME to tell ME to talk to people when it's getting kind of rocky in my head," he told her. 

Izzy bobbed her head up and down. "I can do that."

"Well, hold on," Ian said. "I can do that part. It was just a great idea. He also wants me to start drawing or coloring. He said it's been proven to be a great stress reliever."

"It is!" She agreed, too eagerly. "I feel so much better after I start drawing or painting or coloring."

"Well how about a few times a week we draw or color or paint together?" Ian suggested. "Dr. Musgrove said one of his patients would try and draw their foot every time they got stressed out."

"I'll make a spot in my studio," Izzy said, referring to the garage which belonged to her and all of her art pieces. "It'll be OUR studio now."

Ian leaned forward and kissed her forehead. 

\--------------

After a long session of lovemaking, Ian and Mickey lay side by side in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Mickey had been thrilled to come home and find Ian playing X-Box with Gavrel and Yevgeny, and though he had tried not to make a show about it, he couldn't help but latch onto Ian like there was no tomorrow once they were alone. He wanted Ian to know, and didn't know if he could ever show him how much he meant to him. 

"Dr. Musgrove wants us to go to couples counseling too," Ian said, turning onto his side.

"Like for people about to get fuckin' divorced?" Mickey asked, but Ian just laughed in an affectionate way and kissed Mickey's lips. 

"No," he said. "Like family sessions with the kids, some sessions just with me, and some with me and you."

He played with some of Mickey's damp hair, running his fingers through the short dark strands. "He said I'm lucky to have you."

"No, you're not," Mickey scoffed. "You didn't see the state of the house when you came home? Fuckin' Ground Zero, Man."

"He said divorce is pretty common among couples where one of them is Bipolar," Ian said. "And then he said, 'Hell, it's common among couples where neither of them have Bipolar disorder' but then he said the way I talk about you sounds like you really and truly love me."

"I do," Mickey said, sounding indignant. 

"He said I also sound like I really and truly love you, and that it's rare for two people to actually love each other."

A warm filling flooded through Mickey. Could Ian possibly already know then? Could he know that Mickey loved him and there was nothing that could change that? Even in their early years together when the Bipolar issue was still new, Mickey remembered beating up that guy at the club because he was so angry at Ian. Angry for disappearing, angry for cheating, but anger was not the same as hate. He had not hated Ian, even then. He had never hated Ian. 

"Sounds like a good doctor," Mickey said, snuggling against him, feeling his breath against his own. They kissed, long and slow.


End file.
